just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
