I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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