Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
