I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
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She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
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I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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