Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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