Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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