JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
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I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
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Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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