sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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