JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
false alarm. still invincible.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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