i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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