Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
