Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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