So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
