if you like me you must not know who I am
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
