Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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