I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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