You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
