I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
