Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
