i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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