If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
