READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
