It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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