I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
