I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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