Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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