people are starting to question the shark bite story
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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