Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
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