Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
