My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
