well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
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In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
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... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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