Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
MIDGETS
????
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
