That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think your dad took our porno
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
