I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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