Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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