no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize