So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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