My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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