I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
