I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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