You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
