he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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