All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
