No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
