This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
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if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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