I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The Olympian is in my bed
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
