I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
