not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
