Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
