He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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