hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
