I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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