okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
