Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
