he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
