so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Randomize
