You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
